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  • March 20, 2021 2:44 PM | Anonymous

     

    When was the last time you checked on your own wellbeing? What does that even mean? Sure, we understand what it means when someone asks us how we are doing. We usually answer in a general sense, “fine”.  Sometimes, we even talk about it. We tell them about a particularly rough day or a recent happy experience. But that is not it!

    Many people wrap wellbeing into five areas: career wellbeing, social wellbeing, financial wellbeing, physical wellbeing and community wellbeing. I would like to add a sixth and seventh area that people shy away from: mental wellbeing and spiritual wellbeing.  Let’s spend some time examining these areas.

    Career Wellbeing

    I like to refer to this as Purpose Wellbeing. Makes more sense. The definition of career is “an occupation or profession” while purpose means “the reason for which something exists”. Wouldn’t you rather live your life for the reason you exist instead of for an occupation or profession?

    When choosing a career, we often consider what skillsets we have acquired, maybe what we have learned to do well or can learn to do well, how much money we can earn doing it and if we are smart; we may even consider if we like it or if it will bring some happiness.  Now a purpose is not something we CHOOSE. Purpose is something we were meant to do. Do not get me wrong, the two can align and when they do, it is the best outcome ever!

    So how do you find your purpose? It is a journey. It does not have to be hard, but most likely it will take time and some true introspection. God has gifted each one of us with unique innate talents. These are different from skills that we learn. Although we can sometimes use skills to imitate innate talents, there is a difference. There are some assessments that can start you in the right direction, but your lived experiences can also help you figure it out. If you need help, consider investing in a Life Coach. This is a personal investment that you will reap benefits from for years.

    CHECK IN: Are you living your purpose or living a career? Are you fulfilled? Do you feel drained at the end of the day or wanting for more?

    Social Wellbeing

    We are social beings, even introverts need people. No matter where we find “our people”; family, friends, work, we need friendship or companionship. If we thought otherwise, the pandemic sure showed us how much we need it by forcing us to be less social. Think about your social wellbeing. Remember that we are all individuals, so this looks different for everyone. Some people need a lot of friends, people they can share many different things with. Some people only need a couple of close friends. Some people might be fine just with family.

    CHECK IN:  Who is part of your social circle? Are you receiving enough socialization? Do you have a confidante? Do you have someone to have fun with? Someone to help keep the sanity?

    Financial Wellbeing

    We measure financial wellbeing by how our finances are managed. Does the thought of money make you feel sick or worried? Do you need to spend it as soon as you get it for fear there won’t be any?

    Having financial stability makes life easier. I know, duh! We are always pushed to buy on credit. The latest fads are payday loans. Get a loan now because you cannot make it to payday. This is a road to disaster because it will take you MANY paydays to pay it off! Then there is the old “keeping up with the Joneses.”  That is when you need to have what everyone else has even if you cannot afford it.

    The best thing you can do for your wellbeing is to live WITHIN your means. That means that you have money to pay your bills, money to save for emergencies, money to save for the next big purchase and money to treat yourself.  The answer to this is living with a budget. Yes, it is hard; but it is the easiest way to see your income, track expenses, follow goals and meet your needs.

    According to an article published in the journal Family Relationships, the number one predictor of whether you’ll end up divorced, is arguing about money early in your relationship. A budget brings everything out into the open. Both people know what money is coming in and where it is going. This makes having factual discussions easier.

    CHECK IN:  How does money make you feel? Do you have a fear of losing everything because you are living beyond your means? Do you have money saved? Do you utilize a budget?

    Physical Wellbeing

    This one is easy. Do you have the energy, stamina, and health to live your life? What foods do you consume? Do you feed your body or are you feeding your feelings? A healthy well-balanced diet is important to ensure energy and proper brain function. Plus, we all feel better when we think we look better. What about exercise? To have healthy lungs and heart takes exercise. All of your body parts need oxygen. Keeping your brain well-oxygenated helps increase effectiveness of the brain, specifically memory.  Exercise also increases energy and better sleep. All of these contribute to physical wellbeing. There are many resources to help in this area without resorting to fad diets which do more harm in the end.


  • March 05, 2021 2:27 PM | Anonymous


    You are on an island of lack, feeling hopeless and deserted. Your dreams are sailing away never approaching your island. Consuming your mind are the dreams you want to possess; you need to possess or die if they cannot be possessed!

    Life is truly stranger than fiction! You ache for what you want, yet it always remains elusive. The second your focus shifts to acceptance, as you make your island of lack your humble home, your heart's desires drop into your life providing you the opportunity to begin manifesting your dreams into reality.

    Everything you ever wanted is now suddenly within your grasp.

    What would you do with this unexpected gift you already stopped yearning for?

    The power of letting go is truly a remarkable act. It will prime your energy for acceptance as you stop fighting to control your destiny. In this carefully practiced balancing act, whatever you wanted will cruise into your life when you least expect it.

    Find ways of letting go. Ditch trying to control the uncontrollable! Open your mind and body to the next goal. Only when we open our minds to our current strengths, abilities, and opportunities will we see the forgotten expectations, wants and goals appear before our eyes.

    When your ship of dreams sails to your island of lack, ask yourself the following questions:

    Are you in a position to act and achieve your heart's desires?

    How have you improved yourself while waiting on Lack Island?

    Were you repeatedly consuming your energy, hung up on all that was lacking in your life, that you failed to prepare a plan to achieve your dreams?

    How will you use this unexpected opportunity to manifest your dream?

    The Law of Attraction is all about manifesting what we think about, not what we think we want! You may confuse "yearning for something" as the Law of Attraction. In a sense, you may believe what you yearn for, you will get.

    It is not what you yearn for, but how you choose to think and accept the forces in your life that will determine what you attract. Learning to accept without expectations and enjoy the present, leads to your next opportunity.

    The power of letting go has taught me that the sooner you accept the inevitable, aim for a different goal or improve yourself, the sooner you are released from the prison of Lack Island!


  • February 22, 2021 11:03 AM | Anonymous


    Abuse is a life-changing experience.  Those of us who have experienced abuse find that those experiences become part of who we are.  What many don’t realize, is that there are 3 stages.

    Victim, Survivor and finally if reached, Thriver.  

    Many people remain stuck as a victim.  The trauma of experiencing abuse at the hand of another, whether that be physical, sexual, or psychological changes us. Sadly, after trauma, many people find they are unable to move from this stage on their own.

    Most who are able to move forward from being a victim, find themselves simply following the motions.  These are the survivors.  They may no longer seem as severely affected from the trauma they have experienced, but peel back that outer layer, and you will see someone still damaged, and still hurting.

    The majority of those who have experienced abuse will fall into those first two categories and stay there.  But they don’t have to.  With the right tools and guidance survivors of abuse can move forward, grow their wings, take flight and thrive.


  • February 15, 2021 11:29 AM | Anonymous

    My coaching lesson of a Butterfly!

    A time ago, I came across a beautiful story.

    It is not a new one but after reading the story, I realized that it is a short story related to leadership coaching.

    I had never read the story until now, and when I read it, I just loved it, making me realize the true meaning of acting as a leader and coach! 

    This is the story of a man and a butterfly.

    One day, a man found a cocoon of a butterfly in his garden. He saw the small hole and the butterfly struggling to get through it. He was curious how the butterfly would manage to pass through the small hole, so he sat down and looked at the butterfly as it struggled to force its body through this small hole.  

    After a few hours, it appeared that the butterfly could not do more, and it was still struggling with the small hole. So, the man decided to help the butterfly. He took a pair of scissors and snipped off the remaining bit of the cocoon. The butterfly was now free from the cocoon but, instead of a beautiful and strong butterfly, the man saw that it had a swollen body and small wings.

    The man continued to watch the butterfly and he expected that the wings would spread and expand enough to be able to support the body and it would fly. 

    He waited, but much to his surprise, that never happened. The butterfly never flew. It will spend the rest of its life crawling around. With a swollen body and shriveled wings, it will never be able to fly.

    The man in his to help the butterfly did not understand that struggling to get through the small hole was the way of forcing the fluid from its body into its wings so as it would be ready for flight once it finds its freedom from the cocoon. 

    It was the process of being a beautiful and strong butterfly flying from flower to flower with its beautiful and colorful wings.

    "Sometimes difficulties make you strong."

    That story stays with me, and as I wrote before, it makes me realize that it is related to what a leader does with his team or a coach with his clients. 

    When you lead and coach you must think about it.  

    Coaching is not to dive in and drive the person into the solution. It is not to know his job and provide advice on how he will perform the job, it is more than that. 

    It is about challenging him and instead of giving him the gift of solving his problem as soon as possible, ask questions to make him think about his problem, explore the situation by himself, and finally figure out the right path. 

    But the most important thing for a coach is to have patience waiting whilst people struggle to their solution.

    It is better to give them the gift of a beautiful and strong butterfly than the temporary feeling of freedom from the cocoon.

     "Sometimes showing the easy way people cannot see the opportunities."

    The main point of leadership and coaching is to feed the mind of people, giving advice and provide them with the tools to start thinking differently, and take action.

    Coaching is not about having the job done, it is not about expertise, it is about facilitating the learning process, encouraging, challenging, and preparing people to realize their potential, just like the story, to make them ready and strong enough to fly alone.

    Sometimes struggles are exactly what we need in our lives. If we as leaders and coaches allowed our people to go through without any obstacles, most likely they would not be as strong as they could have been.

    And unfortunately, they would never fly.

    Moral of the story …

    "Never give what they want, yet give them everything they need to fly."

     


  • February 09, 2021 10:29 AM | Anonymous

    I often post on social media about being fabulous.

    It’s my thing – Sumara Meers: Fabulous Voiceover.

    For years, when people have done the “hi, how you going?” thing, I often

    say “Fabulous! How about you?” because I just enjoy injecting some of that

    obnoxious positivity into pretty much anyone’s day. So, I guess I just

    started using the word fabulous a lot, and it seemed like a pretty good

    catchphrase. Many people seem to enjoy it; it's fun. I think it’s memorable,

    it gives a sense of personality and confidence. People like to hire people

    with confidence!

    Some people, however, do not like it. It’s very possible that LOTS of

    people do not like it, but most of them just scroll on by. Every now and

    then, though, someone who does not like it quite a lot, feels the need to

    tell me so.

    “Mamma mia! A little more humility would not hurt!”

    They’re right! Humility would not hurt at all. It’s very important to be humble, and teachable, and generally not utterly full of oneself.


    However, when you’re running a business, particularly a business in which

    you’re selling nought but your own talent and abilities, well, you kinda

    have to sell yourself.

    How’s this for a business promo: “I’m Sumara Meers. I am a competent

    voiceover artist. I can speak in a satisfactory manner. I will also provide a

    basic level of customer service. I would be incredibly grateful if you had

    some time to get in touch if you think you might like me. But if not, never

    mind, I’m sure you’ll find someone better!”

    Do we want to hire that person?

    I don’t. But I might like to get in touch with them and help them learn to

    be more confident.

    Self-confidence is a super-power, and it is OKAY – in fact it’s good and

    important – to know what you’re good at and tell people about it. You’re

    better at some things than some other people are; that’s just a fact. Don’t

    apologize for that!

    Why is it, do you think, that many people get themselves all worked up

    over creative entrepreneurs, like voice actors, confidently promoting

    themselves? Do they get worked up over the local café with the “BEST

    COFFEE IN AUSTRALIA” sign? Or the tradespeople with their names and

    skills painted all over their vehicles? No, they don’t. It’s a special kind of

    weirdness that seems to be reserved for people who do

    performance/creative work as an individual. And the only conclusion I

    come to is that it’s about them, not you. They are jealous, or insecure,

    or repressed in some way, or simply having a not-great day.

    So, fellow freelancers, I humbly (lol) encourage you to get out there and

    TELL THE WORLD how skilled and experienced and hard-working and

    friendly and awesome you are! Make yourself a website that says “get

    your AMAZING ART here!” Write a post on LinkedIn saying “Hi, I’m a video

    creator and I’m BRILLIANT at explainer videos!” Post a selfie on insta with

    the caption “Look, I’m talented AND gorgeous!”

    I dare ya!


  • February 01, 2021 8:56 AM | Anonymous


    “Imagination is more important than knowledge” – Albert Einstein

    There was a time when my days at work were as dull as grey skies. The

    monotony was colorless. I was in constant search for answers in others

    and oh boy, was that the worst place for answers! 

    Looking to my superiors, believing that only through their recognition was

    I able to progress. Believing, only the opportunity of a succession plan,

    would help me grow my potential. 

    Stuck in a thought cycle of nothingness, I felt inferior to managers and

    colleagues. Though I did not falter in my work, my inferiority complex

    stuck like a shadow.

    My inferiority perpetuated as I waited! Frustrated, having to follow the

    hierarchy, while my ideas collected dust as I waited for approval. I lost my

    sense of imagination, autonomy, and confidence each time I was

    overlooked.

    As a solution thinker, I aim to dissect a problem from all angles to find

    new opportunities. I decided to do the same and dissect my inferiority

    complex. During this process, it was evident that my creativity was

    rejected and under-utilized with every "NO"! My determination got stuck

    in a reverse spin when I believed I was nothing beyond my work and

    position! 

    I was in a prison of my own making because I failed to use my creative

    ability and act on my strengths. This feeling of disempowerment was

    erasing my creativity bit by bit.

    The nothingness can only consume your senses for so long until it

    becomes debilitating. I had to make a choice, stay in permanent pity party

    mode, or get creative in my mindset!

    I asked myself a very simple question. 

    How can I offer value without needing permission?

    Immediately, a gust of new ideas blew into my mind!

    I could masterfully share experiences in my training courses. I could

    empower individuals to take responsibility by offering coaching services. I

    could volunteer my skills and consult to help strained areas of the

    business. I stopped asking for permission and started imaginatively

    creating opportunities. 

    Focusing energy only on receiving is unproductive. Rather use your

    strengths to improve YOU and help OTHERS. 

    Taking ownership brings many opportunities, guiding you to improve your

    skillset and be of service to others.

    The self-realization that your strengths are unique offers limitless

    imaginative power. 

    I captivated my creative influence. You can too!


  • January 24, 2021 11:16 AM | Anonymous

    You can measure success in a variety of ways. For some, success might mean finally opening their own business. For others, it could mean being able to buy their first house. Success can be had by anyone who is willing to put in the hard work and dedication to achieve their ultimate goals.

    While the definition of success will vary from person to person, all successful people have one thing in common: they have in some way or other, trained their mind to be programmed to achieve.

    At the foundation, your ability to reach your goals and get what you want out of life is your mindset. Your mindset plays a significant role in how you approach going after your goals and in how you move past failure.

    To achieve success, it is necessary that you have the right mindset, strategy, and approach. If you continue to fail in achieving your goals, you may need to change your mindset.

    Changing your mindset to help you achieve your goals isn't as hard as you may think. Training your mind to perform in a way which promotes and fosters success can dramatically improve your life.

    Even if you tend to think positively towards achieving your goals, it is your thought patterns when things get difficult that have a negative impact on your results.

    No matter what your goals are, whether you’re looking to get a promotion at work, start a new business, or buy a new car, the following strategies for changing your mindset can be implemented in your life and start you on the path of success.

    Tune Into Your Mind

    Our subconscious mind is more powerful than many of us realize, and could be what’s holding you back from your next level of success. You may not realize that much of our behavior is controlled by our subconscious mind.

    In fact, experts often cite that more than 90 percent of our actions are controlled by our subconscious mind, leaving just 10 percent to interact consciously with the world around us!

    The problem with this is that after years of ‘programming’, our brains can become our most prominent opponent when it comes to achieving our goals.

    That being said, our subconscious mind is at work 24/7, and can't tell the difference between reality and imagination, making it an enormously influential tool on your path to success.

    Our conscious minds are responsible for identifying various information and making the best decisions based on what is currently relevant in our life. Subsequently, these decisions affect our subconscious.

    Programming Your Mind

    If we consider the conscious mind to be the programmer, then the subconscious is our “hard disk”.

    Without even realizing it, our subconscious mind is being programmed continuously as a result of the decisions we make, the things we see and the sources we listen to.

    All of your beliefs, thoughts and habits are programmed into your subconscious, so the first step to achieving success is to train your psyche to think successfully.

    Sometimes, clients I coach regard this as a difficult, if not impossible, task. But the truth is, it can be done - with the right type and amount of effort.

    Because the subconscious mind is largely programmed by images and words, one of the most critical steps when reprogramming your subconscious mind is to visualize the things that you wish to achieve – as if they’re already achieved (or in the process of being achieved).

    This type of “subconscious entrainment” allows your mind to begin thinking and operating in a way that encourages success. Without having a specific vision of your success, it can be challenging to get your subconscious mind to point in the right direction.

    So it goes without saying, that it’s vital that your visions are not too general. General, unclear ideas won't have an impact on reprogramming your subconscious mind to take the right actions for success.

    To properly train your subconscious mind you’ll need to provide constant reminders of what you are trying to achieve. A great way to do this is through a “vision board” (no, it’s not just for new-age people!) – where you curate and compile images associated with your goals or vision.

    Another way is to simply pin relevant images on your computer’s wallpaper, your smartphone or – as I advise some of my time-poor clients to do – on the bathroom mirror or kitchen fridge, thereby “priming” your brain to build the neural connections that are conducive toward the achievement of that goal or vision.

    Setting Your Goals

    Before you can begin to reprogram your subconscious mind to take the steps needed to achieve your goals, you need to choose the right goals. Unfortunately, it’s too easy to give up on your goals if you believe they are unattainable.

    To begin building your goals, you need to make time to think about who you are and how to best approach things.

    If you’re like many people, preferring instant gratification, then setting smaller, achievable goals to move you closer to your primary goal, can be a good strategy.

    Setting small, achievable goals allows you to break down the amount of work that you need to do to achieve your goal, into smaller, more manageable pieces.

    Using an analogy that my clients like – if your goal is analogous to the top of a set of stairs, then staring at the top of the stairs all the time can be daunting and overwhelm you into inaction or derailment. But if you focus on the next few steps ahead of you, then you can make steady progress toward the top.

    Setting Strategic Goals

    Dividing your goals into smaller, more easily achievable goals is one of the best ways to achieve success. However, for you to obtain the results you want, you have to develop the right strategy. Part of the plan is making sure that you set the right goals so that you can reach your primary goal.

    To ensure that you set the right goals, you need to take your time and put some effort into designing and setting your goals.

    One of the biggest mistakes you can make when setting your goals is imposing unreasonable time limits on reaching your goals.

    Giving yourself too little time to achieve your goals can increase your stress levels while giving yourself too much time can result in you losing your motivation.

    I often hear this from ambitious CEOs who set incredibly high goals for their business, but without adequate planning for achievement timelines, resource and capacity considerations.

    So take the time to understand your “why” (I call that your “WHYpower”), plan better, establish macro and micro KPIs to enable you to track progress for more sustainable results and better support from the people and things you need along the way.

    Dealing with Setbacks and Failures

    Setbacks and failures are a natural part of life. Even the most successful people have experienced setbacks and failures at some point in their journey. The difference between those who achieve success and those who don’t is how they deal with setbacks and failures.

    Successful people, like everyone else, experience setbacks and failures, however, the difference is that they have learned how to face them head on and positively deal with them.

    Whether it’s Edison or Branson, Gates or Jobs – they’ve all demonstrated that when they fail, they don't give up. Instead, they strive to persevere, never allowing the downfalls to get the better of them.

    Which is why when it comes to success, it’s not about the mistakes that we will inevitably make, but rather how well we learn from them – how they can teach us to make better decisions.

    Cutting Out Negativity

    Negativity is one of the most damaging things that we often face on our journey to success. Whether it comes from negative self-talk or the words and actions of others, any kind of negativity will hinder your ability to achieve success.

    Negativity acts likes brakes on our subconscious, hindering our ability to shift our mindset, while robbing us of momentum and drive. Let’s address two key sources of negativity:

    Toxic People

    Most of us have experienced someone like this (some of us might have been one at some point!). They’re the kind of people who have the ability to thoroughly drain the life out of you and push your buttons!

    They’re often surrounded by a cloud of negativity and aren't afraid to share their negative opinions even when we didn’t ask for them! Spending too much time around toxic people can result in your becoming disheartened about your goals.

    The best way to deal with toxic people is to cut them out of your life entirely. However, this may not always be practical, especially if they are a close friend, relative, or colleague.

    If this is the case, just work on limiting your interactions with them and stop talking to them about your plans for success.

    Negative Self-Talk & Your Inner Critic

    Unfortunately, toxic people aren’t the only ones who can get in the way of your success. Often, we are our own worst enemies, as we sabotage our goals with negative self-talk. So getting to know yourself, and your own patterns of negative self-talk are essential to your success.

    Everyone has their own inner critic which tells them that they aren’t good at anything, or they don’t have what it takes to succeed, or other disparaging self-talk.

    Regular exposure to that inner negative voice can quickly derail your chances of achieving your goals. So being able to shift your mindset for success successfully means becoming aware of your inner critic and learning how to deal with it.

    Here are 4 ways to change your “inner critic” to your “inner coach”:

    1. Experiment with approaching your inner critic in a mindful way:

    Try noticing what your inner critic has to say, but without


    buying into what you notice. Step back and observe the


    inner critic as it unfolds.

    Name your thoughts and emotions as they arise, and observe your mind in a detached and non-judgmental way.

    2. Counteract your inner critic by recalling examples of prior achievements and successes over adversity.

    3. Put yourself in the shoes of those who respect or admire you – it can balance your perspective by reminding you how capable and worthy you actually are.

    4. Practice self-compassion: respond by writing down a more realistic list. Write these as “I” statements. In response to a thought like, “You’re such an idiot,” you could write, “I may struggle at times, but I am smart and competent in many ways.” This isn’t meant to build you up or boost your ego but to show a kinder, more honest attitude toward yourself.

    Conclusion

    If you want to achieve success and accomplish the specific goals you’ve set for yourself, it is crucial that you refine your mindset. And yes, the only way to do this is, unsurprisingly - through hard work, commitment and consistency.

    When it comes to achieving success, it all comes down to how hard you’re willing to work to reach your goals and tackle negativity and obstacles along the way.

    So if you aren’t getting the success you want out of your work or life, it’s time to sit down and (re)visit the approach and amount of work you’re currently putting in to achieving your goals, and focus on pragmatic planning.

    And while you’re at it, just as people often go on a diet or detox in the new-year, consider distancing yourself from negative people, upgrading the company you keep and making better choices in what you consume through your eyes and ears – not just past your lips.

    You've been presented with some practical keys to reprogram your mindset for accelerated success. Now it’s up to you to turn on the ignition, put these strategies into action and drive yourself on the path to success.

    And if you or your team can benefit 25+ years’ experience in high performance, emotional intelligence and success strategies for challenging times, then feel free to connect and discover what our proven StressToSuccess coaching and training can do for you.

    Here’s to YOUR success.





  • January 22, 2021 8:53 AM | Anonymous

    Be proud of who you are, and not ashamed as someone else sees you.

    Love your body as it is and be proud. There are bigger things and more important things in life that matter than just your body.

    If you are not proud of what you own then how do you expect from others?

    Let us talk about it, let us discuss openly and let us find a solution because in closed doors you will only find misery. But if you talk it out, you will get a solution and work towards something that is troubling you.

    It is a clear message that people are being harmed constantly. It has become a norm to criticize and judge others.

    Body-shaming (criticizing yourself or others because of some aspect of physical appearance) can lead to a vicious cycle of judgment and criticism. Criticizing your own appearance, through a judgment or comparison to another person. (i.e.: “I’m so ugly compared to her.” "See the figure he/she has look at me a disaster" “Look at how he/she is so fit, and look at how broad my butt is”) is a self talk that constantly lowers our self esteem and hampers our growth.

    No matter how this manifests, it often leads to comparison and shame.

    We’ve got to stop making other people’s appearances and looks, a topic of our everyday conversation, whether they are public figures, or maybe just your acquaintance.

    You are being noticed for all the judgements you are making on yourself by everyone around you and that is harming you unknowingly.

    Lets work together to help eradicate this norm of criticizing another.

    Each one of us is born with some imperfection and no one is perfect. So we can say we all have flaws in our physical appearance.

    Body shaming has even led to people committing suicide, staying behind closed doors, students not attending colleges, people becoming introverts and many more ills.

    Who are we to blame for this? Ourselves, or others? Let us take small steps towards bringing awareness in the society. It is not impossible. It may take time, but let us make a beginning. The results could help countless people to live comfortably with whatever God has endowed them with.

     


  • January 20, 2021 2:05 PM | Anonymous


    We have a duty of finding clarity in purpose and direction. Why?

    You may be at risk of serious consequences if you don’t find your purpose personally and professionally.

    Because when we are lost, out of lack of awareness, we often make decisions which affect our future irreversibly.

    Our choices affect our loved ones, our friends, and our professional networks.

    Not to mention that it comes close to impossible to achieve excellence in leadership and high performance without having certainty of what our final destination looks like.

    I certainly learned my lessons the hard way. In the past whenever I felt like I wasn’t aligned with my decisions or actions, whenever I didn’t listen to my intuition, the outcomes I would create had no meaning. Some of those outcomes weren’t even reflecting my character. I guess some would call them mistakes. I call them lessons.

    Whenever I mindlessly acted out of fear, pressure or uncertainty I often sacrificed my values. This on its own drove me to tons of self-sabotaging behaviours in my career, my health and my relationships. My life reflected one phrase for over a decade and that is “Sex, drugs and rock’n’roll!”

    In my professional career, I spent over a decade studying human physiology, behavioural science, motivation, and emotional intelligence. Today, specializing in women’s leadership and performance I am privileged to listen to clients’ untold, vulnerable stories of pain, hardship, disempowerment, joy, success, fulfillment and happiness.

    Now I understand that good people make mistakes, and that doesn’t make them bad people. Doing good things, doesn’t make us good people either – great phrase I heard from a fabulous friend of mine – Gary Doherty, owner of THiNK Network, TEDx Curator and TEDx Speaker.

    What is the mystery behind making mistakes? Why do we do the wrong thing, knowing that it is wrong?  The key to understanding behavioural psychology is knowing that deep unconscious behavioural drivers are stronger than any logical explanation.

    Values are just one type of the unconscious drivers of behaviour.

    People sacrifice their values in order, to fulfill their basic human needs of certainty, variety, significance, love & connection (belonging), growth and contribution.

    When we give in to the impulse, when we give our focus and intention to what feels like an invisible force which provides us with a sense of temporary power, satisfaction or it gives us a sense of relief, we are unconsciously running either towards or away from a greater motivator.

    I would love to present you THREE biggest dangers of lack of purpose: 

    1. MENTAL HEALTH. Addictions are formed when searching for greater satisfaction or when running away from deep discomfort. We are talking about emotional, psychological and physical dependencies. Computer games, cable TV, social media, drama seeking, anger, substance abuse, sex, gambling, excessive exercise, food or any form of extremism in actions.

    2. FINANCIAL PROBLEMS. Investing in meaningless objects provides us with temporary external happiness or illusive sense of SIGNIFICANCE. The size of your house or the price tag attached to your car won’t ignite INTERNAL happiness. We tend of boost our confidence levels by spending

    3. EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE. When we are lost, we revert to default emotions of anger, sadness, fear, hurt, guilt and with that we resort to default behaviours - no productivity or positive outcomes are born here.

    SOLUTIONS:
    1. Invest your resources into personal development.
    2. Practice vulnerability in conversations instead of hiding behind your ego
    3. Find healthy fulfilling aspects of your career and personal life

    Dedicate your life to finding your true passion and purpose.

    Create your own destiny.

    Be in charge of your results.

    You are worth it.

    “Your first duty is to love, honour and value yourself. Anything else comes secondary”

     

    Much Love,

     

    Ela


  • January 14, 2021 10:14 AM | Anonymous

    The Power of FORGIVENESS

    On the way to happiness

    In the past I couldn’t understand why in the courtroom family members could forgive murderers of their beloved ones. Now, I understand it very well.

    When we forgive, it doesn’t mean that we accept that what happened, the bad behavior, was right. Forgiveness is not any excuse. In fact, we acknowledge the status quo of the past. It did happen. We acknowledge that we feel hurt by the actions of others, and we hold them accountable for those actions. When we forgive, it doesn’t mean that we need to be friends with them, or keep any mutual contact, but we wish them a good future. And I am not kidding. Only then we can feel that we have truly forgiven.

    Why?

    When we forgive, we free ourselves, our minds,

    from any hostility, grudges and resentments. 

    You see, when we feel anger, frustration, resentment, hate toward others, and when we blame them, they may not even know about it. When we continue keeping those negative emotions and maybe having thoughts of revenge, we hurt ourselves, not them. And with time, we may also develop stress, anxiety and depression. I’m pretty sure that most of you know already that we are able to choose our emotions.

    Emotions don’t control us, we control them.

    It is in our hands what we want to feel, and we want to feel good, right? When we don’t allow others to push our emotional bottoms, we express our emotional maturity, we feel more empowered and energized, instead of being dragged down. 

    By forgiving we are gaining the control back over our lives, and we need it to be strong and happy.

    I do believe that forgiving may be extremely hard for some people, especially forgiving those who did not admit doing any wrong, or if we still love them. Let’s however remember that doing hard things makes us stronger.

    Forgiving doesn’t mean either that we forget what happened in the past. In fact, each situation, either bad or good, is a great life experience. Therefore, forgiving is not about forgetting.

    And it is not only about forgiving others; it is, first of all, forgiving ourselves. So often we blame ourselves that we didn’t do enough to avoid unwanted situations. Let’s take responsibility in our hands and admit if we indeed made mistakes. Let’s reflect on the lessons we learned. By not forgiving ourselves may lead to feelings of guilt, self-blame, self-pity, regret, and even self-hatred. This way we punish ourselves. When we forgive ourselves, we feel more inner love. Forgiveness is an act of kindness toward ourselves.

    Furthermore, when we forgive, our negative emotions are gradually being replaced by neutral, and hopefully with the time, by positive emotions. We start feeling not only inner love, as I mentioned above, but also inner peace and hope. We start feeling happy again. As a result, our mental health improves. Oh yes, forgiveness is a medicine against suffering.

    Keeping the negative emotions inside influences our state of being – we are stuck in negativity. And so long we are there, we cannot move forward, because our focus is on the problem. When we forgive, our focus shifts. Instead of thinking about the past, the hurtful situation, we pay more attention to the future, and steps we want to take. We start thinking how we can use this experience to improve our lives and the lives of other people.

    In fact, many of us can be grateful for those tough experiences. They often give us more wisdom and strength. Some of us can even discover a new purpose in life. With some training we can become experts in those fields, consultants, therapists or coaches. We can write articles or books for others, either how to avoid certain situations, or how to handle those tough moments in life. We can set up a foundation, give public speeches, organize workshops, and more.

    The act of forgiveness in a romantic relationship is a crucial ingredient to have a healthy and sustainable relationship. 

    To conclude, people who forgive become less angry. They develop feelings of compassion for those who hurt, empathy, and understanding. They feel less hurt, and become more optimistic. They become more resistant to negative experiences – they develop a stronger immune system. Their self-esteem improves and they gain more positive energy. They are more agreeable, confident and happy. They handle challenging situations much easier.

    Forgiveness is a choice, strength, and intelligence.

    When we forgive, our wounds finally start the healing process. And it is very important to understand that forgiveness comes from deep in our hearts. It needs to be sincere. Otherwise, it won’t work.

    If you are reading already here, I do believe that by now you understand the benefits of forgiveness. If you know somebody who cannot forgive, please encourage them to read this article, share it online, so they can find the strength to forgive, and I can assure them that they will feel better soon.

    With love,

    Sylwia

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